she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
