how can u be prego again
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
