tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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