Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
