i jhust puked up my retainher.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
