Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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