i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
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