Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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