you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
