ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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