I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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