haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
