She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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