There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
