I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
