Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
