put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
