yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
