Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
