Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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