i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
