just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
