My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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