Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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