Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The uberlube is also flammable
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
