Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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