it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
