went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
