What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
