My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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