Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
