Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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