his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
