What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
