You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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