eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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