Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
