Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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