Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
