dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
