ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
