If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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