i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
