??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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