Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
