you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
