Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I intend to get homeless drunk
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
