he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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