then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
