i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
