I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
