Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
